Hey there!  Quite a bit of time has lapsed since my last post.  I’d be lying if I said I have been okay.  It’s actually been quite the roller coaster ride in terms of emotions.  My would-be due date is this coming Sunday.  It’s also the day of my 2-year wedding anniversary {what are the odds of that}.

Needless to say I’m hanging in there the best way I know how and it isn’t always easy.  I am not pregnant yet and it hurts because I thought I would be well into my first trimester again by now.  For the past few months, I’ve marked certain milestone dates that I aimed to be pregnant by.  As each date passed without me being pregnant, I’ve become more and more anxious and depressed.  “Maybe I’ll be pregnant for Mother’s day and then I can surprise my mom.  Maybe I’ll be pregnant by Father’s day and then we can make the big announcement at dinner.  Maybe I’ll be pregnant by hubby’s birthday and give him the best birthday present ever.  Maybe I’ll be pregnant by my would-be due date so the pain of losing the first pregnancy won’t be as bad…”

It’s a vicious mind cycle and it has exhausted me over the past few months.  To be fair, we really haven’t been trying as much as we could.  I am not using ovulation predictor kits, I am not taking prenatal vitamins anymore, I am not taking my temperature.  Honestly, I’m somewhat of a trying-to-conceive drop out!

The only thing I have been doing is using a fertility app to chart my menstrual cycles.  The app also gives me a guesstimate of when I may be most fertile.

If the fertility app is correct, then I am 1 week post ovulation and currently in the 2 week waiting period- which if you aren’t aware, is the time between when ovulation occurred and the next expected menstrual cycle that you wait to see if you’re pregnant or not.  If I am not pregnant after this cycle, I think I will be putting myself in trying-to-conceive boot camp and stepping it up a couple of notches.

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