Technically, I can get pregnant this month, but I’m scared out of my mind about trying again.  It feels almost like the time when I was thirteen and flew over the handlebars of my bike while riding.  I’ve never ridden a bike since that day.

I am so back and forth about whether the timing is right, whether or not I’ll be a good mother (which everyone says is absolutely ridiculous thinking), or whether or not I’m ready for my lifestyle to change.

It’s so crazy because if my last pregnancy had been a viable one, I would be about five months pregnant and it would be a little late to second guess if I was ready or not.

What scares me 100x more than whether or not I’m ready for parenthood, is the thought of experiencing another loss.  I . DON’T . THINK . I . CAN . HANDLE . THAT.

Ultimately I know that I have no choice but to try and pray for the best.  I’m on cycle day three right now and I’m planning to buy an ovulation predictor kit this week.

This could possibly be my month…

and I’m scared out of my mind!

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