I did not have it all together emotionally today.  I waited and waited, then waited some more for the doctor’s office to call me with the results of my blood work from yesterday.  I even called and left messages two times but had no luck with a response because the nurse practitioner was busy.

I hate waiting.  I’ll admit it’s a pet peeve and has been exacerbated even more now because I feel as though I’m waiting for some tragic news.  My whole state of being happy and calm has been put on hold as I wait to find out what’s happening with my unborn baby.

I’ve never done group meditation before.  Truth be told, I don’t even really have much of a personal mediation practice either.  But with embracing my yoga journey, it’s something I want to be more open to adopting.  As I waited for the phone call that never came, I tried to reason with myself that since I can’t control certain situations {more specifically, the situation I’m faced with}, I might as well try to focus on being still and refocusing my energy with meditating.

The outcome?  Well, I will preface this by saying that I’ll give meditation another try but it just did absolutely nothing for me today.  My mind and body was not in sync with each other.  The silence in the room made the worries in my head louder.  Instead of focusing on clearing my thoughts, they ended up controlling me and adding more anxiety.  If my thoughts were audible, you would’ve heard this:  “Am I doing this right?  My back is aching really bad sitting this way.  Can I meditate laying down?  Maybe I shouldn’t since no one else is.  Is it possible to quietly leave without interrupting the session for everyone else? Out!  I want out of this right now.  What if the doctor’s office is calling?”

Maybe another day at another time- but today, meditation was not for me.

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